As I'm offering to drive until Dylan gets coffee in his veins, Dylan slams the trunk shut on the cord. If haven't mentioned this it's worth bringing up. Deezy's trunk cannot be opened in the normal fashion because we do not have a key for it. Dylan quite cleverly rigged up a cable that runs from the latch through the rusted out floor of the trunk. We reach up, grab the cable, give it a tug and the trunk clicks open. However, now the cable is trapped in the trunk door. After a few minutes of trying to reach and pull the cable from where it is, we decide we have to take the seats off to go through the trunk. The back seat gets emptied out, the seats removed, the trunk opened, the cable is properly stowed, the trunk shut and seats put back in. We're rolling by 730. As we pull onto the highway we notice this fog. As we drive and it seems to be thinning out. Nothing special. We decide if we're going to be camping it'd be a good time to stock up on some supplies. Two gallons of water, couple things of gatorade, granola bars, toothbrushes, loaf of bread and peanut butter, some insect repellent button type things, etc. We come out of the Walmart to find the fog has followed us, and has gotten MUCH denser.
This was a sposed to be a picture of a bunch of trees.
We spend a good half hour trying to navigate in the fog and find the highway we JUST got off. We got lost, turned around and went back to the Walmart. Except now the walmart is a loews and there seems to be only one entrance/exit for the parking lot. What started as me joking about Space Madness has me legitimately going into hysterics. We circle around some more. Finally we take some Tao of Pooh advice and stop looking for the highway and it materializes. We're moving again. The fog thins out for a mile or so, THEN SHOWS UP AGAIN! We're in it a while longer while I calm myself down then the sun burns it all away and we're in Iowa again.
After a few hours it's my turn to drive. I think I miss the exit, find out it's not 4 miles but 41 miles away so we get back on the highway. Dylan falls asleep and I actually miss the exit. Turns out everywhere but NJ 1 exit=1 mile. Lesson learned. We get the right exit and get on the right high way leading us straight into South Dakota.
South Dakota, is so unbelievably dull and long. It's like Pennsylvania without Philadelphia or trees. There is nothing but highway, brown grass, black cows, and signs every 20 feet begging you to get off the highway and visit something. The two most well publicized distractions were The Corn Palace and Wall Drug.
Corn Palace looked pretty straight forward. The ad had a picture of a large palace looking structure but they had a different sign every mile or so reminding you not to miss it.
Wall Drug had signs ever few miles but they were completely different and told you so many varied things. Five cent coffee, Dinosaurs, Boots and authentic cowboy gear, shooting range, homemade ice cream and pies, That 'fun is spelled Wall Drug". They never said anything else except the vague one liner they were delivering that sign. Not where it was, not what exit, not even if it was a business or a town! Meanwhile the temperature is rocketing up and the sun is moving more and more into our direct line of vision.
At about 6 we were approaching the Badlands and thought we should get gas and some cold beverages. Coincidentally the exit we choose has an arrow "Last Chance for Wall Drug". We are so unbelievably burnt at this point. Skin roasted, eyes dried and sunken into our skulls, backs and asses soaked through to the seat with sweat, body vibrating from the car, just ready to set up a tent and collapse. Screw curiosity we're getting back on the highway and getting to the badlands. I notice a sign that says "Badlands" with an arrow pointing under the highway. Probably just Badlands in general. We're looking for Badlands National Park. So we get back on the highway and carry on. A massive cloud has moved in front of the sun making it so much nicer and reviving us a little bit. We're excited now. We're so close! It's gonna be beautiful and well worth the effort and endurance we put up.
An hour later we still haven't turned off the highway and buildings are sprouting up. Then there's a town, then a valley chock full of trees. "This doesn't look like the badlands anymore..." That sign was our stop. An hour behind us. We look at each other. "Fucking Wall Drug." Distracting us from our mission. We decide to forget badlands and just kill off as many more miles between us and yellowstone before we collapse. We grab some dinner in South Dakota and get back on the road in darkness.
It's weird driving at night. It's weirder when you find out you have no dash lights and therefore cannot tell how fast you're going. I tried to put myself behind trucks to pace myself but gave up as they all speeded off into the night. The moon was shining super bright and the scenary looked so much nicer in the dark. At some point my eyes hurt so much I can't bear to keep them open and we pull off the highway in search of a motel or something. In nebraska every sign said "two people, two nights, $30" Thats' our ballpark price range. Apparently Wyoming plays by different rules. We try two local places that said $70 plus tax for the night. Screw that. Let's get on the highway and find a motel six or something. Just as we're about to get back on the highway we get pulled over. 3 cop cars pull up behind us. One guy comes to the window and politely asks for our ids and the usual mumbo jumbo. I hear him tell one of the others "He's not the kid we're looking for" but then another cop approaches my window and says "You fellahs do know that having lights is a good thing right?" I glance and see the headlights are still on so he must mean in back. We knew one brakelight didn't work but this guy said ALL the lights were out. We were lucky enough that this one cop used to work in jersey and offered to help us fix the fuses (which is what he determined the problem was). He couldn't figure it out so they had us pull into the gas station across the street where Dylan did some excellent fuse fixin and we made out escape.
Find a motel. Find a bed. Find a horizontal surface to lay a mat down and faceplant. Holiday inn, no. Super 8, one smoking room for $80 plus tax. Finally a motel six appears and tells us $30 a person and you can each have a bed.
We unload the gear from the car and get to the room. Dylan almost immediately passes out halfway out of his clothes. Over all the day could've been worse but we had a lot of weird negatives thrown our way. I guess the longer you drive the more chances there are of things going wrong but still.
We're burnt. We're exhausted and we've got til 11 am to get out of here. I'm going to take a shower and collapse before i fall asleep in the shower.
There are more pictures and links I want to put up as flavor but honestly it's 1 am and I can't look at this screen anymore. I'll update again on friday with everything I left out.
Thank your stars you're not with us today.
Wish you were here tomorrow!
Night!
well I think it's a shame you guys passed on Wall Drugs. It's a hoot and an ice cream cone would have done you good. Glad you had good cop karma and next time you're in a town, stop at an auto parts store and fix your tail light. They cost about a buck. The next cop might not like guys from jersey.
ReplyDeletesafe journeys, good zen, ohmmmmmmm
ahhh i remember wall drug and corn palace. prob bc theyre the only things to remember out there. this was a good post! and funny a cop from jersey helps you out but if you were in jersey, that cop would have figured out a way to haul you to jail. be careful and have fun!
ReplyDeleteah, the very un-romantic side of road tripping
ReplyDeleteyeah it was beat. oh and I remembered I never answered your ear candling question.
Deleteear candles are pieces of gauze coated in wax and wrapped around a central tube. the tube is placed in the inner ear and the other end is lit on fire. the fire and smoke create a vaccuum in the tube which draws out and loose matter that should not be there i.e. wax, bacteria, etc. My german neighborlady used to do them to me all the time because i would get constant ear aches and it would usually be wax buildup. if that was the case it'd burn down the candle, we'd cut it open and there'd be this big disgusting mess of wax on the inside of the candle stub. unfortunately it did nothing for my ear here and there wasn't anything to look at inside. most unfortunate.